yesterday afternoon

these are the written words that started it all.

       i miss you so much. i shouldn't have left. things were often so heavy and often too much to bear but now they feel a different kind of heavy without you.

i miss you, i love you, i'm sorry.

       i was looking at our old photos last night and one of the worst things is not knowing if you're still alive. my heart aches every single day.

i pray for you forever, i love you forever, i'm sorry forever.

       i hope that when i see you in my dreams, it really is you and that your spirit is visiting me just as i asked you to when we last spoke.

       there's a heaviness in my heart i have never been able to carry on my own but i feel so discouraged to love anything or anyone after having loved you.

would god even allow it? i don't know if i want to know. i miss you i love you. i'm sorry.