god speaks in tears

i asked god for you. i prayed for a man who looked exactly like you, specifically. and i lost you. i left you of my own heart-ached accord. what is wrong with me? how could i be so ungrateful? how could i be so incapable of staying as the ship, our ship, rocked through the storm but slowly on its way to shore? why couldn't i have stayed? 

what have i done? will god ever forgive me? will god ever forgive my ingratitude?

i hear a soft but booming breath that sounds absolutely near tears.

yes.

be patient, my child.

for i do listen to your every plea. i will make the passage one you will survive. i will make the passage one you will receive in love.

forgive me for this, a perceived blunder, for this lesson, for this ache, as you ought to learn to forgive yourself.

you are and will be held in love, and loved.

this, i do and have promised you for all eternity.